Relax guys. This is not about a heretical gospel about the Kingdom of God of hot wives. What I was thinking that day, was that maybe the Kingdom of God is like a hot wife.
When I say hot I don’t mean a woman who dares-to-bare or cares-for-stares from boys without a clue about what truly has value; as if girls are sellers and boys are buyers, or girls are games and guys are players (though they may indeed be well matched and deserving of one another). My wife is hot to me because when I look at her, I burn with passion for her.
What do I mean? I have a deep sense of admiration for her. I gladly lay down my life to serve her. I pledge to her my strength and my gentleness. I will be a safe and fun place for her to be herself. I celebrate her! I want to give her my very best; my attention, my patience, my sensitivity and my humility. Sure, she is outwardly beautiful to me. Pleasing to my eye. Sufficiently attractive in appearance. I am sure this statement isn't going to win me any prizes with womenfolk, but before you start throwing stones, let me confess: this is not shallow! To a guy, it IS important! But to me —sorry if sensitivities are offended or bubbles are burst— it is not her body or looks that contribute most fuel to my fire.
Why? Because my wife is not a trophy. She is a treasure.
Trophies are about me getting what makes me happy. It is a symbol of my conquest, a prize for the hunt and bears (roar!) testimony to my prowess and manly manliness. Trophies are mostly about me; what I like, how I got it and in-your-face-yo! evidence of how truly awesome I am. Trophies in and of themselves are only as valuable as they are shiny. Indeed, trophies can be beautiful! But in the mind of the ones who owns them, any beauty they possess only serve as a possession to reflect their own glory and desire.
Wives are not meant to be trophies! A man pursuing a trophy can exude much passion and enthusiasm! That can seem like attraction, feel like commitment and worst of all, be mistaken for love! The power of a promise of a life lived for the good of someone else; that is what love is. A man on a mission (and every good man is always on one) to gain the love of his life? No. Wives are meant to be the love of his life. Indeed, “the man who finds a wife finds a treasure…”[1]
When I say hot I don’t mean a woman who dares-to-bare or cares-for-stares from boys without a clue about what truly has value; as if girls are sellers and boys are buyers, or girls are games and guys are players (though they may indeed be well matched and deserving of one another). My wife is hot to me because when I look at her, I burn with passion for her.
What do I mean? I have a deep sense of admiration for her. I gladly lay down my life to serve her. I pledge to her my strength and my gentleness. I will be a safe and fun place for her to be herself. I celebrate her! I want to give her my very best; my attention, my patience, my sensitivity and my humility. Sure, she is outwardly beautiful to me. Pleasing to my eye. Sufficiently attractive in appearance. I am sure this statement isn't going to win me any prizes with womenfolk, but before you start throwing stones, let me confess: this is not shallow! To a guy, it IS important! But to me —sorry if sensitivities are offended or bubbles are burst— it is not her body or looks that contribute most fuel to my fire.
Why? Because my wife is not a trophy. She is a treasure.
Trophies are about me getting what makes me happy. It is a symbol of my conquest, a prize for the hunt and bears (roar!) testimony to my prowess and manly manliness. Trophies are mostly about me; what I like, how I got it and in-your-face-yo! evidence of how truly awesome I am. Trophies in and of themselves are only as valuable as they are shiny. Indeed, trophies can be beautiful! But in the mind of the ones who owns them, any beauty they possess only serve as a possession to reflect their own glory and desire.
Wives are not meant to be trophies! A man pursuing a trophy can exude much passion and enthusiasm! That can seem like attraction, feel like commitment and worst of all, be mistaken for love! The power of a promise of a life lived for the good of someone else; that is what love is. A man on a mission (and every good man is always on one) to gain the love of his life? No. Wives are meant to be the love of his life. Indeed, “the man who finds a wife finds a treasure…”[1]
So why is the Kingdom of God to me like a hot wife?
In Jesus’ parable, the Kingdom of God is like a man who found a hidden treasure in a field and in his joy, sold all he had to buy it. That’s what a real man does. He finds a treasure. He gets really excited! He sells all he has and buys it. I don’t know what that guy in Jesus’ story found. But I will tell you what I found.
Many a guy would look with envy at another man’s field; it has lush green fields, pretty flowers and fruit trees full of fruit. He might sulk, or he might get angry, depending of whether he is used to using self-pity or anger to get his way. “Why don’t I have what he has?” Far be it from me to presume any man would envy me that way, but if this man even remotely exists, I want to tell my imaginary friend a secret every property agent in the world knows: The flowers and fruits are not the treasure! The field is!
A man in search of a trophy will want the flowers and fruits on a field but a man who searches for a treasure wants to buy a field. What is the difference?
Firstly, plucking fruits and flowers is easy but working a field is hard work! Just because a man is attracted by your flowers doesn’t mean he is willing to buy the field. A real man knows that a real relationship take time and effort. A real relationship does not work because you have finally found the one-in-cosmic-billion match of quirks, interests and personality in this other person that creates a mysterious, indestructible, irresistible attraction force for each other. In fact, a lasting flame is built on a lot of self-sacrifice, maturity and consistent costly loving actions.
Secondly, flowers and fruits will fade but the land and the trees you plant will last a lifetime. Some men are attracted to fields because of its flowers! But the thing is, flowers die and fruits rot. And sometimes, so do the interests and appeal of these men. Men who have short attention spans and even shorter sightedness will never see the whole field for what it is, only what interests them. Women should not trust the opinions of these men about them.
Thirdly, a worthy man knows that the value of the field is more than the flowers and fruits he sees, or even desires. The treasure is, and this is the main point of this post, is not what he can take — once taken, no more to be found — but what he can grow. That is the biggest truth I have discovered. No matter how wonderful your lady is, she is not there for us to use and consume. Remember the life, joy and trust in her eyes when you first met? If they are not there anymore, I am sure you have a part to play. I never once saw a dying plant in my friend’s house and blamed the plant. What we desire, we will nurture. If our desire is for ourselves, then we will expect our wives to nurture us; in so doing, we will suck every morsel of life and joy from her. If our desire is for her, then we will nurture her with everything that we have. And strangely, when we give off ourselves to tend this field, she blossoms and gives us an abundant harvest of what nourishes us most.
Women are fields that have more potential than men have ever been able to conceive in our small man-minds. They can be incredibly resourceful, generous, intelligent, fabulous, compassionate, detailed and resilient — all by themselves. They neither need us for their existence, nor are they too profoundly impacted by our interest or lack thereof. But if a man be worthy enough to afford a field, and have substance enough to know what to do with it, then that field truly becomes to him a treasure. Maybe it is more important for us to be more like farmers and less like shoppers, collectors or gamblers.
Men who want trophies, and girls who want to be trophies will continue to play the game. There will be men who desire women for their own gain and women who desire to be desired so much that they mistake being desired (by any means) for being desirable. A lethal combination indeed.
Men who do not have the moral capital to buy a field, or the courage to defend it nor the character to nurture it have no business envying others’ fields. Indeed this field of dreams is actually a field of hard work, sacrifice and a whole lot of Providence and love.
To those who have the privilege to find such a treasure, your own Mrs. Field, I salute you, I join you and I cheer for you on this great adventure.
May we men always know who the real treasure is and who really is the lucky one.
Hint: they are not both the same person.
[1] * Pro 18:22 NLT
In Jesus’ parable, the Kingdom of God is like a man who found a hidden treasure in a field and in his joy, sold all he had to buy it. That’s what a real man does. He finds a treasure. He gets really excited! He sells all he has and buys it. I don’t know what that guy in Jesus’ story found. But I will tell you what I found.
Many a guy would look with envy at another man’s field; it has lush green fields, pretty flowers and fruit trees full of fruit. He might sulk, or he might get angry, depending of whether he is used to using self-pity or anger to get his way. “Why don’t I have what he has?” Far be it from me to presume any man would envy me that way, but if this man even remotely exists, I want to tell my imaginary friend a secret every property agent in the world knows: The flowers and fruits are not the treasure! The field is!
A man in search of a trophy will want the flowers and fruits on a field but a man who searches for a treasure wants to buy a field. What is the difference?
Firstly, plucking fruits and flowers is easy but working a field is hard work! Just because a man is attracted by your flowers doesn’t mean he is willing to buy the field. A real man knows that a real relationship take time and effort. A real relationship does not work because you have finally found the one-in-cosmic-billion match of quirks, interests and personality in this other person that creates a mysterious, indestructible, irresistible attraction force for each other. In fact, a lasting flame is built on a lot of self-sacrifice, maturity and consistent costly loving actions.
Secondly, flowers and fruits will fade but the land and the trees you plant will last a lifetime. Some men are attracted to fields because of its flowers! But the thing is, flowers die and fruits rot. And sometimes, so do the interests and appeal of these men. Men who have short attention spans and even shorter sightedness will never see the whole field for what it is, only what interests them. Women should not trust the opinions of these men about them.
Thirdly, a worthy man knows that the value of the field is more than the flowers and fruits he sees, or even desires. The treasure is, and this is the main point of this post, is not what he can take — once taken, no more to be found — but what he can grow. That is the biggest truth I have discovered. No matter how wonderful your lady is, she is not there for us to use and consume. Remember the life, joy and trust in her eyes when you first met? If they are not there anymore, I am sure you have a part to play. I never once saw a dying plant in my friend’s house and blamed the plant. What we desire, we will nurture. If our desire is for ourselves, then we will expect our wives to nurture us; in so doing, we will suck every morsel of life and joy from her. If our desire is for her, then we will nurture her with everything that we have. And strangely, when we give off ourselves to tend this field, she blossoms and gives us an abundant harvest of what nourishes us most.
Women are fields that have more potential than men have ever been able to conceive in our small man-minds. They can be incredibly resourceful, generous, intelligent, fabulous, compassionate, detailed and resilient — all by themselves. They neither need us for their existence, nor are they too profoundly impacted by our interest or lack thereof. But if a man be worthy enough to afford a field, and have substance enough to know what to do with it, then that field truly becomes to him a treasure. Maybe it is more important for us to be more like farmers and less like shoppers, collectors or gamblers.
Men who want trophies, and girls who want to be trophies will continue to play the game. There will be men who desire women for their own gain and women who desire to be desired so much that they mistake being desired (by any means) for being desirable. A lethal combination indeed.
Men who do not have the moral capital to buy a field, or the courage to defend it nor the character to nurture it have no business envying others’ fields. Indeed this field of dreams is actually a field of hard work, sacrifice and a whole lot of Providence and love.
To those who have the privilege to find such a treasure, your own Mrs. Field, I salute you, I join you and I cheer for you on this great adventure.
May we men always know who the real treasure is and who really is the lucky one.
Hint: they are not both the same person.
[1] * Pro 18:22 NLT