Ever feel like me when I know I am way too busy,
but I find it hard to re-prioritise?
Ever struggle to make hard decisions, especially those that might change the course of our lives?
How about decisions we make that affect the ones we love? Ever struggle with those?
Maybe this will help. I learnt in class a few weeks ago that there is a yes in every no and no in every yes.
What does this mean?
When I want to say yes to something new that comes along, I automatically also need to say no to something. This is because we have limited time and energy – life juice if you may .
Many times the opportunity or urgency of the yes may mask the no but though it may be hidden or unseen, it is always there. Yes to Facebook and the constant stream of other people's lives! No to face-to-face talk time with the people in our lives. Yes to television or games! No to other intentional activities that build breadth and depth in us, stuff that may seem lesser when we are younger. But no one ever regretted reading too many books when they were young cos it made them too interesting.
Yes to some crisis that a friend has means No to the also important everyday things that make our life what it is. Helping is important. But sometimes, giving others convenience is at the expense of our own life juice. Helpful and resourceful people will be called because they are helpful and resourceful. But in the long run, that helpful person needs to possess an empowered No as much as a willing Yes. I can be quite a helpful guy and I know I need to learn to say No as much as I have a tendency to say Yes. In other words, I need to know the cost of my Yes before I can decide responsibly, no matter how pressing, noble or "obvious" the situation may be.
Some people say Yes and No because they want to please people. They are afraid saying No will upset people. That is dangerous. We need to love ourselves and have capacity in our own lives to be loving, kind, creative and fruitful. We will resent our own inability to say No to people and have no one to blame and only our loved ones to vent on and suffer the consequences of our bad boundaries.
Some people say Yes and No because they are selfish. In always protecting their own interests first, they miss out on the joy of generosity and spending their lives on others. The legacy of their lives is only that it was theirs and they did the rightest by themselves, thinking that putting more water into an already full cup would make them happier. No. Joy in life is not filling it more. It is letting the cup get bigger every time we allow ourselves to experience our shared humanity.
but I find it hard to re-prioritise?
Ever struggle to make hard decisions, especially those that might change the course of our lives?
How about decisions we make that affect the ones we love? Ever struggle with those?
Maybe this will help. I learnt in class a few weeks ago that there is a yes in every no and no in every yes.
What does this mean?
When I want to say yes to something new that comes along, I automatically also need to say no to something. This is because we have limited time and energy – life juice if you may .
Many times the opportunity or urgency of the yes may mask the no but though it may be hidden or unseen, it is always there. Yes to Facebook and the constant stream of other people's lives! No to face-to-face talk time with the people in our lives. Yes to television or games! No to other intentional activities that build breadth and depth in us, stuff that may seem lesser when we are younger. But no one ever regretted reading too many books when they were young cos it made them too interesting.
Yes to some crisis that a friend has means No to the also important everyday things that make our life what it is. Helping is important. But sometimes, giving others convenience is at the expense of our own life juice. Helpful and resourceful people will be called because they are helpful and resourceful. But in the long run, that helpful person needs to possess an empowered No as much as a willing Yes. I can be quite a helpful guy and I know I need to learn to say No as much as I have a tendency to say Yes. In other words, I need to know the cost of my Yes before I can decide responsibly, no matter how pressing, noble or "obvious" the situation may be.
Some people say Yes and No because they want to please people. They are afraid saying No will upset people. That is dangerous. We need to love ourselves and have capacity in our own lives to be loving, kind, creative and fruitful. We will resent our own inability to say No to people and have no one to blame and only our loved ones to vent on and suffer the consequences of our bad boundaries.
Some people say Yes and No because they are selfish. In always protecting their own interests first, they miss out on the joy of generosity and spending their lives on others. The legacy of their lives is only that it was theirs and they did the rightest by themselves, thinking that putting more water into an already full cup would make them happier. No. Joy in life is not filling it more. It is letting the cup get bigger every time we allow ourselves to experience our shared humanity.
Somewhere in between these two is a person who owns every Yes and No. In spending money on myself, I am not spending it on something or someone else. In watching one more drama episode, in eating one more bag of chips, in meeting or not meeting that friend, in attending or not attending that birthday, wedding or class reunion, we are not just making decisions for time and preferences. We are deciding the content of our lives.
Sometimes when we feel stuck, we need to ask what we have and are saying Yes to. We may want change but we may not realise we are not ready for a new Yes without first a No. Without this realisation, we might be endlessly frustrated at the lack of progress or satisfaction in our life, faith and relationships. Maybe it is not a change of circumstances or even a divine Yes, but a perfectly human No that is needed.
No to that group of friends who we know should not be the ones forming who we are.
No to unpurposeful late nights or silly iPhone games.
No to unscheduled and unintentional time spent dunno-doing-what.
No to being treated less than how we should be treated.
No to that relationship that is going nowhere that we are only in because we are afraid to be alone.
No to a life of always being a victim and never being able to own our problems.
No to being the one who always has an excuse for why we are less than our best.
No to just "see how" or pushing to another day what we should have done last week or last year.
Yes to having more capacity for other people's imperfections so we can love and not just react.
Yes to planned time with people we treasure and not just birthdays, festivals, weddings and funerals.
Yes to being the best friend, son, husband, father I can be.
Yes to having no regrets with regard to time to love and be with my wife and children.
Yes to doing what it means to be truly alive; to be create-tive.
Yes to owning all that I do and not blaming anyone for the resentment I feel for being in places and situations I don't enjoy.
Yes to having centering moments in my life daily – even hourly or in every moment – to know where I am, what I am doing and why I am doing what I doing so help me God.
In the immortal words of Sesame Street, the words given to Ernie was "You got to put down the duckie if you want to play the saxophone". Want to say Yes to something new? What do we first have to say No to? Do we know what that is? Is it worth it? Want to say No to someone? What is the Yes that we may be missing? Life in its infinite variety will surprise us daily with the choices before us.
May we be able to know what we are saying Yes and No to everyday and may we have strength and grace to be able to live the lives we are meant to in the mystery and power of the life we all have been given. I for one have a long way to go. But this helps me count the cost of the decisions I make and do not make. I hope I grow wiser each day.
Maybe today is a good day to make some room to connect with friends, write a silly song, read that book or learn how to bake. Maybe change is really not in what might or might not happen or who we might or might not meet tomorrow. Maybe it is in the Yes and the No of today.
What are the Yes and No we are saying now and how will it shape the next 10 years of our lives?
Sometimes when we feel stuck, we need to ask what we have and are saying Yes to. We may want change but we may not realise we are not ready for a new Yes without first a No. Without this realisation, we might be endlessly frustrated at the lack of progress or satisfaction in our life, faith and relationships. Maybe it is not a change of circumstances or even a divine Yes, but a perfectly human No that is needed.
No to that group of friends who we know should not be the ones forming who we are.
No to unpurposeful late nights or silly iPhone games.
No to unscheduled and unintentional time spent dunno-doing-what.
No to being treated less than how we should be treated.
No to that relationship that is going nowhere that we are only in because we are afraid to be alone.
No to a life of always being a victim and never being able to own our problems.
No to being the one who always has an excuse for why we are less than our best.
No to just "see how" or pushing to another day what we should have done last week or last year.
Yes to having more capacity for other people's imperfections so we can love and not just react.
Yes to planned time with people we treasure and not just birthdays, festivals, weddings and funerals.
Yes to being the best friend, son, husband, father I can be.
Yes to having no regrets with regard to time to love and be with my wife and children.
Yes to doing what it means to be truly alive; to be create-tive.
Yes to owning all that I do and not blaming anyone for the resentment I feel for being in places and situations I don't enjoy.
Yes to having centering moments in my life daily – even hourly or in every moment – to know where I am, what I am doing and why I am doing what I doing so help me God.
In the immortal words of Sesame Street, the words given to Ernie was "You got to put down the duckie if you want to play the saxophone". Want to say Yes to something new? What do we first have to say No to? Do we know what that is? Is it worth it? Want to say No to someone? What is the Yes that we may be missing? Life in its infinite variety will surprise us daily with the choices before us.
May we be able to know what we are saying Yes and No to everyday and may we have strength and grace to be able to live the lives we are meant to in the mystery and power of the life we all have been given. I for one have a long way to go. But this helps me count the cost of the decisions I make and do not make. I hope I grow wiser each day.
Maybe today is a good day to make some room to connect with friends, write a silly song, read that book or learn how to bake. Maybe change is really not in what might or might not happen or who we might or might not meet tomorrow. Maybe it is in the Yes and the No of today.
What are the Yes and No we are saying now and how will it shape the next 10 years of our lives?